Confessions of a Lusty Mage, Pt. 3: Swinging with My Shadow Conclusion

Last week, we started exploring some of the ways that participating in swinging, aka The Lifestyle (LS) has contributed to the acceleration of my magickal practice as a hermetic witch. (You can find the first half here, and the beginning of this series here.) This week’s entry completes the list…

I Must Not Fear. Ah, my ever-present, old friend Fear. Fear, and the precautions we take to alleviate it, are natural, normal, necessary parts of existence. Fear doesn’t go away, and we shouldn’t want it to—it has kept us alive all of our lives! But there is a difference between common sense and paralysis. Through participating in the LS, my spouse and I have faced our fears of infection, injury, rejection, and heartbreak enough to realize that being overly cautious gets us nowhere. It just makes our world smaller, and does nothing to shield us from the Fear to End All Fears, DEATH. We’re going to get sick and die one day. No matter what. The question is, did we live before we died? Swingers, skydivers, thrill seekers, travelers, and lovers the world over say, Yes. Yes, we did!

Getting over my fears about opening my marriage also helped me stop kowtowing to my bodily and personal insecurities, which I now see much more clearly than I ever did before. Now that I’m not afraid of attraction to others and I’m able to openly look at other people, I’m better able to see the attractiveness and beauty in others, and consequently myself. Playing with other people has helped me to expand my unconditional positive regard and lust beyond only my husband, to other playmates and to myself. I am also far less threatened by other women than I used to be, because I see them as reflections of the divine, and as potential friends and playmates, rather than competitors for male attention, as the broader culture taught me to see them. I cannot overemphasize how much getting past my physical insecurities has changed the way I experience the divine feminine and helped me to come to terms with my own bisexuality.

Do What Thou Wilt. Getting into swinging also gave us the opportunity to learn about and make friends in adjacent sexual communities like kink and BDSM, which include fetishism, bondage, impact play, and Dominance/submission. And although folks in those communities aren’t always a match for the ways we like to play, the LS has helped us lose our judgment of them. In fact, swinging has resulted in less judgment of others in virtually all areas of life.

Setting boundaries and seeing the wide variety of boundaries out there has heightened our understanding that everyone has different risk tolerance levels, and that is ok! Other people can do what they will and do not have to have the same risk tolerance level as me. I don’t have to pass judgement on them, avoid them, or ridicule them. I just choose not to play with them, pretty simple. This was especially helpful during the pandemic, when emotions ran high around protection of self and others, reasonable precautions, and other thorny issues of living in community.

As I mentioned in the last entry, the LS helped me reconnect with my own sexuality and desires, especially those I previously judged as wrong or bad. Following my will has provided me with previously unfathomable excitement, fun, joy, arousal, and pleasure—and isn’t that what we all dream of?

 

And with less judgement of myself and others, I am able to be honest with myself about what I truly want to achieve with my magickal work. I feel free to pursue my magickal goals, without feeling the need to dilute them to make them more acceptable or achievable. I have found my inner authority to know that I am worthy of my goals and aspirations. And I spend far, far less time stewing on what other people are out there doing, freeing me up to pay attention to my own life and work.

So as you can see here, the most effective way to do real work on yourself is to follow your own joy, curiosity, and interests with an open and joyful heart. Even (especially!) if it doesn’t look or feel like work, but instead feels like the most wonderfully exhilarating play, you are still learning and growing. When you engage intentionally with your desires and fascinations, you are speaking directly with the deepest parts of your psyche and soul, and that has no choice but to change and strengthen your magick. Your path of joy and fulfillment need not be sexual in nature like mine—it could be artistic, performative, entertaining, parental, community-based, educational—there is no one path to the divine! Be true to yourself and you simply cannot go wrong. You do you, as only you can. xoxo -MKL

Confessions of a Lusty Mage, Pt. 2: Swinging with My Shadow

Today’s blog is a continuation of last week’s introductory entry on my real-life adventures in sex magick and swinging! If you missed it, you can check it out here.

After joining the ethical non-monogamy (ENM) community, I quickly realized that the practice of swinging (a.k.a. “The Lifestyle”) is an excellent, albeit quite advanced, container for doing shadow work. I define shadow work as the practice of coming to grips with one’s old, ingrained, self-destructive patterns and learning to choose more empowered ways of coping with this roller coaster we call life.

In that vein, The Lifestyle (LS) has been extremely efficient in drawing my attention to my own shadows and blockages, simply because this way of being in relationship is still considered incredibly taboo by many people in our broader, puritanical, Abrahamic culture. Because swinging pushes up against deeply ingrained ideas about goodness, cleanliness, and morality SO HARD, practicing it forces us to quickly define and come to terms with what we consider to be principled, safe, and reasonable behavior. It can be quite challenging, and yet immensely rewarding when practiced in the spirit of loving kindness, curiosity, and joy.

In just a few short months of exploring and dipping our toes into the lifestyle, I started to see my marriage and my relationship to my spouse differently. Before the LS, my marriage to my best friend and soulmate was mostly about safety, security, love, acceptance, and building a shared life together.

It’s still all of those things today, but now I also understand our marriage as the blending and balancing of equal, opposite, complimentary energies that have the power to effectuate change—sex magick. Most often, this magickal, sensual union of opposites produces children (biological and/or adopted). But we can also see this alchemy at work in other ways—entrepreneurial couples who grow businesses, artist couples who design creative worlds, spiritual couples who develop and shepherd religious movements, public service couples who work for the betterment of their communities… the list is truly infinite!

When we added the fire of the LS to the crucible of our marriage, we began experiencing exponential growth and change in areas that at first blush seem completely unrelated to magick, but nonetheless are absolutely crucial in producing effective magickal workings. By indulging our desires for sexual play, we are simultaneously doing the Great Work of achieving our highest potential through self-transcendence. So, what kinds of impacts has this work/play dichotomy had on me, my spouse, our marriage, and our spiritual practice? Here are a few…

Magickal Impacts of The Lifestyle

Perfect Love, Perfect Trust. The LS has exponentially increased the trust level between us, and that was such a telling realization because I always considered trust between us to be rock solid. When we were tiptoeing around the idea of jumping into ethical non-monogamy, though, I realized there were volumes of sexual information and ideas I was keeping from myself and thus him, too.

The biggest example of gaps in my trust was that I didn’t feel comfortable confiding in him the attraction I felt toward other people, because I was afraid of hurting him or making him jealous. I also didn’t want to know about whom he found attractive outside of me, for fear of feeling rejected and jealous. The LS gave us a defined space to play in and made it possible to relax into our shared and individual sexualities, so that now we both feel perfectly safe to tell each other all about whom we find hot and sexy. In turn, that has spilled over into trusting each other with “scary” things like taboo fantasies, deep insecurities, and tender dreams for the future. Thus, we truly feel safe to say and hear anything to and from the other. Having this depth of trust and security in this most sacred container of our marriage makes it easier to approach the world and others in it from a place of love, instead of fear, which contributes to confidence in my magickal perspective and workings.

My Word is Law. Swinging has dramatically advanced not only my openness as explained above, but it also has lightning-accelerated my communication skills. Participating in the LS didn’t just force me to say what I mean and mean what I say (and it certainly did that); it also forced me to put into words many things I had previously preferred to keep to myself.

For example, when discussing boundaries before play, I had to quickly get comfortable with being quite explicit and clear about them. No euphemisms or beating around the bush! I had to get over my squeamishness around certain words and topics, because they were directly related to the realities of human bodies and organic existence. We’re talking about activities that can be potentially dangerous after all, so it’s imperative that I’m clear about what I will and will not agree to do. I cannot allow my fears of saying no, hurting someone’s feelings, making someone uncomfortable or angry, or turning someone off to limit my communication of standards, boundaries, and requirements for play that is both safe and enjoyable for me.

Likewise, I can’t just avoid talking about something because it makes me feel uncomfortable. I never dreamed I would discuss my period with so many people, but guess what? Planning play dates around periods is just a reality. When I find myself feeling uncomfortable or triggered during a play date, I can’t just shut down and retreat from everyone like I would prefer to do, and as my pattern has been for so long. That’s not fair to my playmates, who are there with open hearts to have fun with me and to give and receive pleasure, just like I am. Because my playmates are also dear friends whom I treasure, I learned that the most important time to be open and vulnerable is precisely when it’s least comfortable to do so.

Learning to truly practice clear, open, honest, and specific communication has freed me to step into my courage, my power, and my sovereignty—all very necessary components for powerful magickal practice. It also took my spell writing next level, beyond just incorporating the five senses to paint a compelling picture of what I want my spell to achieve, and into using crystal-clear, explicit language to create laser-sharp, compelling clarity on my magickal goals.

Stay tuned for the rest of this list in Part 3, which will be posted next week!

Confessions of a Lusty Mage: All Acts of Love and Pleasure

“For mine is the ecstasy of the spirit and mine is also joy on earth; for my Law is Love unto all Beings…. Let my worship be within the heart that rejoiceth, for behold: all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals. And therefore let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honour and humility, mirth and reverence within you.”
–Doreen Valiente, Charge of the Goddess, via The Doreen Valiente Foundation

 

If you’ve been around here for any length of time, you know that I frequently discuss being true to yourself and showing up authentically, and how that contributes to discovering and becoming the person you wish to be.

You’ve also probably heard me talk a lot about how getting in touch with your own sexuality can strengthen and unleash your personal power, and how you can channel that power into having a more fulfilling and engaging life—both on the magickal and mundane levels.

And if you’ve heard me talk about those things, you’ve certainly heard me talk about Our Lady Babalon as a face of the active divine feminine principle, an example of the Sacred Whore archetype, and a model for a worldview that is based in unconditional love, openness, justice, and equity.

In short, for years now, I’ve been encouraging people—especially women—to explore and explode their old inhibitions, get in sensual touch with their own desires, and to embark on the sacred journey to get to know and love themselves.

Now it’s time for me to walk my own talk. Let me show you what this looks like in real life…

When I started this mission to awaken my true self and live more authentically, my sensuality and sexuality were on “married professional” autopilot. I loved my husband, of course, but I was so focused on our outward appearance, there just wasn’t much time or space for inner desire recognition, let alone fulfillment.

Once I opened up to myself (and marveled that I was ever closed to myself!), I found there was so much desire there that I had been ignoring, shaming, denying, and even actively subverting. In doing so, I had thoroughly lost my awe and wonder for life, as well as my own sense of power, attractiveness, and magnetism. Now that I was back in the driver’s seat of my own authority, I discovered that I wanted more… much, much more.

And that, my delicious babes, was the beginning of my foray into the world of ethical non-monogamy—specifically, it was the advent of my life in swinging, a.k.a. “The Lifestyle.” My spouse and I chose to get into The Lifestyle (LS) for several reasons—

  1. Sex, pleasure, and joy are spiritual and religious expressions for us. They are evidence of the existence of a reality that is principally based in love, unity, and integration.
  2. Like most married couples, we both enjoy sex and wanted to have even more of it. But unlike most married couples, we wanted to experience it with different people, together.
  3. For my part, there were things I wanted to experience that I literally couldn’t do with just my husband, including sexual encounters with other women.
  4. We wanted a more structured path to these new experiences than just opening our relationship, which felt too open to us, and a more casual set-up than polyamory (the practice of engaging in multiple, consensual romantic/sexual relationships), which felt too closed.
  5. We wanted more intimacy in our friendships. We wanted the freedom to be our whole, real selves in our social lives, and we realized that we were often massively editing ourselves.
  6. We discovered that we are “intimacy junkies,” who not only get off on getting to know and love a new person, but we also get off on seeing each other be pleased (a phenomenon known as compersion).
  7. We wanted to find “our tribe” of sensual, magickal friends. As a voluntarily childfree couple, we want to build an extended “family” network of our own that is based on mutual aid, affection, friendship, abundance, and attraction, instead of one based on childbearing and child-rearing.

You may be wondering why I’m sharing this. I’m certainly not sharing it in the spirit of exhibitionism, or to imply that everyone needs to get into non-monogamy! This path is NOT for everyone by any stretch of the imagination.

Rather, I’m sharing it because it’s a perfect example of how one’s sexual current directly impacts their magickal and spiritual practices, as well as one’s own sense of empowerment and joy.

So, what DOES this “Lifestyle” business have to do with witchcraft? Well, several things:

First of all, this has been a fabulous exercise in magickal manifestation, as well as a direct expression of my work with Babalon. I asked for and manifested a crew of incredibly hot friends to lust with via a petition to Her. Working in Babalon’s current encouraged me to develop the characteristics necessary to have a safe and pleasurable time in the LS: self-possession, self-determination and direction, directness, and yes, receptivity—the active kind.

As you may have heard, Babalon’s role is to receive all and deny none, and swinging has helped me adopt not only a more open and loving attitude toward others, but also helped me become more a more active participant in my life. By learning to be more communicative about my own needs and desires in the bedroom, I’m better able to voice them in other areas of my life (including spells!), and more confident in getting those needs and desires met. Because I feel loved and desired (and therefore seen, respected, and secure in myself), I’m able to tune into others in the same way and help them receive what they want and need, too—within the bedroom and without. It’s wins all the way around!

The LS has also completely exploded my notions of dirtiness and shame. There was and continues to be some serious shadow work going on here, forcing me to repeatedly step outside the old paradigm in intensely sensational ways…

  • Rethinking my values and mores.
  • Locating and validating my identity as an ethical slut, a self-employed consultant whore, a bisexual, and a playmate.
  • Taking my power back from patriarchal demands that are rooted in destructively capitalist, colonizing, misogynist, racist, ableist oppression.
  • Enjoying my body—its beauty, what it can do, and they joy it can provide myself and others, instead of fixating on all that it’s not and all that it can’t do.
  • Finding beauty in diverse minds, bodies, and spirits, despite what the world around me would designate as an “appropriate” partner for me.

Through the LS, we are acknowledging and honoring sex as a holy sacrament. It is the miracle that begets miracles, the wellspring of life, and it is a deep, important part of our faith, just as much as it is an important part of our health and wellbeing. My sexual practices are therefore undeniable expressions of my love and reverence for life and the wonder of this existence.

Finally, the Lifestyle has challenged me to stay true to myself and my faith. My city is notoriously small and conservative, and that forced me into the so-called broom closet, hiding my pagan faith, for close to two decades. Extracting myself from that magick-killing shame was the crucible that produced all of what you see here. When I decided to enter into the LS, my fears of “being found out” started all over again, so I hid it. I told myself that I was protecting my spouse. That I was keeping my private life private. That I was avoiding rubbing people’s noses in all my fun. That I was being respectful. Then I looked around and realized… all I had done was find another closet to hide in! And this here witch is not hiding herself, or her faith, any more.

So, if you see me out having the time of my life with my husband and all our hot and sexy friends, don’t worry about starting a rumor… I’m telling ya straight out. 😉

The Babalon Difference

Babalon is different than most other goddesses in that She is exclusively a representation of the active divine feminine principle.

As the Jungian analyst Nancy Qualls-Corbett notes in her book, The Sacred Prostitute: Eternal Aspect of the Feminine, there is both a static and an active part of the divine feminine. The static archetype is the maternal aspect: in Qualls-Corbett’s words, the “unchanging and stable factor that fosters feelings of security, protection, and acceptance.”

That is to say, the Mother archetype never changes. She’s The Empress in the tarot: you’ll always be her baby. She’ll always love, accept, and defend you. The Mother’s role is to endlessly incubate and birth, nurture and protect. To live entirely for her children.

The other side of the divine feminine archetype is the active or transformative aspect. Qualls-Corbett elaborates by quoting from another prominent Jungian analyst, Ann Belford Ulanov:

“This active side of the feminine… invokes primeval forces that take us out of the limitations and conventions of social norms and the reasonable life…. Ecstasy may range from a momentary being taken out of oneself to a profound enlargement of personality.”

This is the side of the divine feminine that Babalon, a.k.a. the Sacred Whore archetype, a.k.a. the tarot’s Lust, belongs to.

What does the active, transformational side of the divine feminine feel like?

  • New Relationship Energy (NRE), the excitement we experience at the beginning of a new romantic relationship.
  • Blissful, deep, gratifying sexual connection with oneself or another
  • Creative energy, coupled with motivation to bring one’s vision to life
  • A renewed sense of potential and possibility, and the willingness to explore those to see where they lead
  • A willingness to take an active role in things that the maternal divine feminine is not usually concerned with, such as external relationships, worldly activities, and personal gratification.

In other words, worshipping the Holy Whore Babalon changes us, because we are attuning with the transformational side of the feminine, the Sacred Whore archetype. When I speak of the personal transformation I help my clients achieve, it is in the spirit of this feminine lifeforce energy, this whole-unto-herself goddess of love and war we call Babalon.

The Sacred Whore uses her own magnetic, creative potential and sacral energy intentionally, to help others awaken to that same energy and potential inherent in themselves. As such, she is much more firmly in control of her own body and magick than a strictly maternal feminine archetype that is passively impregnated and forms, births, and nurtures progeny.

And unlike the Mother, the Whore is a participant in the worldly marketplace, selling access to their time, energy, mind, and body, which are valuable because these assets have been specifically calibrated to help their clients transform in some way, via direct experience of sacred sacral energy.

So when someone hurls the word whore at another person as a misogynist epithet, what are they really criticizing?

  • They are criticizing that person’s personal power and self-determination, especially as it relates to their work, their money, and their sex life.
  • They are criticizing the person for being in touch with their magnetic, creative potential.
  • They are criticizing that person for playing an active, rather than passive, role.
  • They are criticizing that person’s willingness to share all of themselves—even the personal, intimate aspects—with others.
  • And they are accusing that person of debasing themselves, vis-à-vis a very specific masculine, monotheistic worldview that emphasizes woman’s place as
    • in the home,
    • raising children, and
    • providing sexual access to one person,
      • purely for the means to reproduce.

As a self-possessed, female-identifying entrepreneur who does not share that masculine, monotheistic worldview, I don’t see those first four as negative things, and I wholeheartedly reject the last. I would wager that most of my peers would feel likewise.

At the same time, I recognize (and celebrate) that my very presence in the marketplace is a challenge to millennia of the so-called ‘status quo.’ I also understand that any time I portray myself as a sexual being with a will of her own, I invoke the Whore archetype, especially if I’m willing to inhabit my sexuality at the same time as I’m selling absolutely anything at all. And yet, I am inspired by my own potential, my own creative power, and my own gifts and talents that I share with the world.

Does that make me a whore?

Well, aren’t we all selling our time, energy, mind, and/or body—to someone, be they employer, client, or customer—for our livelihoods?

Whores. Aren’t we all?

And if so, why not stand in that power—own it, use it, and celebrate our independence, our self-determination, and our potential?

Why not completely remove the negative, shaming power of that word as an epithet, and instead channel our active feminine archetype deliberately, to help bring about an age of independent, empowered, self-possessed people that are creating a thriving world for all of us to live in?

In my mind’s eye, I see a world in which all people recognize the divine spark within all others, and in which we all contribute our unique talents, unrestrained, with the knowledge that everyone’s contributions are absolutely vital to the whole. In my mind’s eye, I so clearly see a world in which the Sacred Whore leads the way to the self-actualization of humanity as a whole, and it’s an earth-shaking vision.

May Mystery, Babalon the Great, the Mother of Prostitutes and Abominations, bless us all with Her love, lust, and transformative magick, that we may know and experience our own divine sparks, for the good of all humanity.

In Nomine Babalon!

Five Foolproof Steps to Getting the Most Out of Your Tarot Reading

So, you’ve taken the plunge and booked your first reading with me—Yayyyyyy!

Now what??

Honestly, the hardest part is over (and really, my one-stop online booking system makes “hard” a relative term), so now it’s time for the fun part: getting ready!

Here are my five foolproof steps to getting the most out of your tarot consultation with me:

  1. If you’ve booked a Zoom reading, you’ll receive an email with a link to follow at the time of your appointment; if it’s a phone reading, you’ll receive the phone number to call.
  2. At some point before your appointment, spend a few minutes thinking about what you need clarity on, what you’re struggling with, or what you hope to learn from consulting the tarot. A tarot deck is an incredible tool—it can go as ‘deep’ as you want to go, so don’t waste this opportunity! The more thought you give to what you want to dive into, the more responsive the reading will be.
  3. Although it’s not necessary to have a specific question in mind for the reading, having a question (or questions) ready for our session does help to give direction to our time together. The best questions for tarot consultations are open-ended questions, as opposed to yes/no ones.For example, ‘what do I need to know about my relationship right now?’ is a better question than ‘Is my partner happy with me?’
    Other examples of strong questions to ask the tarot are such things as:
    ‘How can I increase my chances of getting promoted?’
    ‘What is my biggest spiritual lesson to focus on this year?’
    ‘What can I do to attract the best romantic partner for me?’
    ‘When should I aim to move into a new house/apartment?’
  4. As your appointment time approaches, spend just a few minutes just calming your mind. Take a few slow, deep breaths, and really focus on the sound of air entering and leaving your body. There is nothing to fear or be nervous about when getting your cards read; rather, the few minutes of quiet you spend before calling or Zooming in will help you leave behind whatever you were doing or thinking about before our appointment. Our time together is sacred, so leave your mundane cares and stresses ‘at the door,’ and let’s go on a magickal journey!
  5. The final step is the MOST important one of all! In order to reap the full benefit of your tarot consultation, it’s vital that you come to your appointment with an open heart and a sense of curiosity. Please know that I and the tarot have absolutely nothing to prove to you, nor you to us. We are meeting in this time and space in YOUR behalf, to help YOU live your best life. I’m not telling your future, because I’m not a psychic! Instead, I like to describe myself as an advanced interpreter of signs, symbols, and archetypes, and I encourage my clients to have a conversation with me about what they want to explore. Occasionally, I’ve had clients put up energetic ‘walls’ around themselves, giving the shortest possible answers to my questions, not providing a question for the reading or giving the full context of their question, or even refusing to speak to me at all! Please don’t feel like you need to ‘hide’ from me in order to ‘test’ me—doing that only hinders the quality of the insights we’ll be able to gather during your reading. Instead, think of me as your partner in transformation. I’ll be the Samwise Gamgee to your Frodo Baggins, and we’ll get you to wherever it is that you need to be…together.

Ready to begin YOUR adventure?

Well, alright then! Head on over to my Services page, and away we go! I can’t wait to work with you!

Tarot Card Spotlight: Thoth Tarot’s The Moon

Traditional Title: The Ruler of Flux and Reflux, The Child of the Sons of the Mighty

Sign: Pisces

Planetary Ruler/Exaltation: Jupiter (Classical), Neptune (Modern)/Venus

Date Range: 2/19 – 3/20

Qabalistic Correspondences: Path 29, Netzach (7) to Malkuth (10); Sephira 4, Chesed (via ruling planet Jupiter)

Key Words: confusion, illusion, shadow, madness, witchcraft, darkness

The ever-changing moon waxes and wanes in a never-ending cycle. She grows, becomes full, shrinks down to nothing, and begins again anew. The Moon card, Atu XVIII, represents the confusion and lack of clarity that comes with examining things by metaphorical moonlight. Since the Moon’s face continually changes from our perspective here on earth, the card represents an unreliable narrator, illusions, even nightmares and hallucinations. It’s path on the Tree of Life is a great illustration of its off-kilter nature, flowing down one side of the Tree from Venus’s rule in Netzach down to the earth in Malkuth. It’s far down the Tree, one-sided, and heavily influenced by the darker, feminine energies. Crowley associated this card with “witchcraft and abominable deeds.”

The Moon card, in spite of any attachments we may have to lunar deities or to the satellite itself, is intended to cause unease. It is intended to recall in the reader the sense that nothing is what it seems; even under the light of the full moon, our eyes can and do play tricks on us. We do not know and are loathe to imagine what is hiding in the shadows. This card often comes up during ‘the dark night of the soul,’ when there is important information the querent is not privy to or doesn’t have yet, when things are in a state of flux, and/or when the situation is developing and not ‘set’ yet. When this card appears in a reading, the querent must reconsider what they think they know, acknowledge that not every passing thought is true or deserves to be believed in, and re-evaluate their conclusions.

The Shady Seven: Avoid These Unethical Intuitive Readers

In twenty years of working in metaphysics and the occult, I’ve seen all manner of shady ploys from so-called “spiritual” workers. It’s an unfortunate fact that not every intuitive reader has your best interests at heart. And after being the target of several of these in just the past month(!), I’m reminded that some things just don’t change, and they don’t change because these stunts are still working at least some of the time!

So, to hopefully save someone some heartache and disappointment, here is my list of some of the biggest red flags out there. If your prospective reader fits any of these descriptions, I can guarantee you that your best bet is to walk the other way…

  1. The Messenger: You’re browsing your local metaphysical shop, minding your own business, when the store reader approaches you and says they have a message for you from their guides. They won’t tell you what it’s about, but will insist the information is critically important, and ask you to buy a reading with them so that you can obtain this information “for your own good.” If you hesitate or decline, they intimate that you’re making a grave mistake. Most of the time, The Messenger has no information for you at all, and may very well make up whatever they tell you in the reading. Their main goal is to stir up business for themselves by lighting the fuse of customers’ insecurities.

    Bonus tip:
    Being a reader does not make you an authority figure. It does not mean you “know what’s best” for everyone else. Every reader of substance and integrity I’ve ever known would either mind their own business in this case or, in truly pressing circumstances, provide the critical information to the person in question with no strings attached and no pitches.
  2. The Catastrophist: This person tells you that you have a curse on you (a dark cloud hanging over you, a dark energy following you, etc.) that they can remove…for a fee. Whether that fee is $80 or $800, the intent is the same: to scare you into purchasing something from them. The Catastrophist confirms your worst anxieties about things you don’t understand or feel incapable of handling (like curses, demons, and ghosts), and just so happens to have the precise remedy at the ready. In many cases, there is no end to the work you’ll need performed on your behalf, and they will always have a new boogey man to scare you with, or a new twist in the saga of dealing with your problem, that–you guessed it–requires more money.

    Bonus tip:
    “Curses” have more to do with your own thought patterns than what someone or something else has done to you. The most effective way to remove a “curse” is to change your mind, and only YOU can do that.
  3. The Mediary: This one happened to me not long ago. An intuitive consultant that I declined to hire DM’d me a couple of days after I turned them down to tell me that MY particular deity came to THEM with a message specifically for ME. Conveniently, the message was that I should change my mind and hire them in order to follow my deity’s guidance and receive my deity’s blessings. Needless to say, that DM got promptly ignored. The Mediary specializes in making you believe that YOU are not connected enough (psychic enough, gifted enough, etc.) to receive messages directly from your own deity, but LUCKY FOR YOU, The Mediary IS plugged in and can pull down your messages for you! Isn’t that amazing?

    Bonus tip:
    This is not the Catholic church, friends. You are a child of the Universe, a star—you don’t need anyone to mediate between you and the Divine, because you are part of the Divine.
  4. The New Friend: I get this one all the time, and it truly makes my skin crawl. The New Friend reader will direct message you out of the blue (usually soon after connecting with you on social media), introduce themselves by telling you alllllllll about their unique qualifications and then offering to intercede on your behalf with deity, pray for you, work magick for you, etc. From the outside looking in, it seems like they’re just trying to build a friendship with a new connection. They may say something like, what can I help you with? Love? Money? Your job? I’m happy to help! But in reality, they’re waiting for the perfect opportunity to hit you with their price list.

    Bonus tip:
    Readers want friends like everyone else, and they make friends the same way everyone else does—by giving of themselves, expressing interest in others, and looking for commonalities. A principled reader will never mix friendship building with sales pitches.
  5. The Milker: You decided to purchase a reading from a reader you like. Yay! You’re most of the way through the appointment and approaching the end of your purchased time when suddenly The Milker tells you that… wait…wait… more information is coming through for you… they need to share it with you… but they can only do it if you pay for more time. Sometimes The Milker is more casual than dramatic, perhaps making an off-hand comment that there’s lots more to tell you, but shucks, we’re out of time. The Milker preys on the very real human need for the safety and control we get from having information, and they use that to extract more cash from your wallet.

    Bonus tip:
    Any reader worth their salt will strive to give you a complete reading within the time that you purchase, and will not dangle temptation in front of you to get you to go beyond the time or money limits you set at the beginning of the appointment. However, if YOU continue to ask questions beyond the point at which your time is exhausted, you should absolutely expect to have to pay for your reader’s additional time.
  6. The Vested Interest: This reader tries to pressure you into a particular course of action during your time together. Whether it’s immediately apparent why they are pushing you toward one path over another, or not, there is no reason that a stranger should be more invested in your life than you are. The Vested Interest poses as a reader who believes in you and wants to see you succeed, but in reality, they want you to choose a path that keeps them in the picture somehow. Whether it’s through creating a need for more services from them, or giving them a convenient excuse to refer you to their friend, relative, or business partner, you are a walking dollar sign to them.

    Bonus tip: It’s fine for a reader to advise you on your options, but your decisions are yours alone, and if they respect you as a person, they’ll respect your autonomy. You can rest assured that anyone who pressures you to make any decision—in any direction—is doing so for their own interests, not yours.
  7. The Secret Wielder: Perhaps the most heinously unethical reader of all, The Secret Wielder destroys the integrity of the reader-querent relationship by using confidential (often private, vulnerable, or embarrassing) information that comes up in the reading to push you into purchasing additional items or services from them. The Secret Wielder violates the trust of the relationship by preying on your hopes, dreams, and fears. They may even repeat back to you something very sensitive that you said in the reading as evidence that you should do something you don’t want to do, like purchase their most expensive package, or buy a certain crystal or talisman.

    Bonus tip: A faithful intuitive reader will challenge your preconceived notions, push you on your bullshit patterns, and even call you out on the lies you’re telling yourself in order to stay in your comfort zone, but they’ll never hold out their products and services as the only way forward. Remember, real change comes from changing your mind, and there is ALWAYS more than one way to retrain your brain.

I truly hope you never experience any of these tactics, let alone get burned by any of them. And I hope that, armed with the information here, you only experience the best intuitive readings. But even if you’ve been burned in the past, I hope you won’t let that sour you on the benefits of having an ongoing partnership with a gifted reader. The search for the right intuitive reader is a lot like finding the right therapist—it’s trial and error until you find the person who ‘gets’ you, who empowers you, and who wants to see you succeed on your own terms. That’s what real support looks like, and everyone deserves to have that, without fear of manipulation or extortion.

If you’re curious to see if I’m the right fit for you, please feel free to check out my offerings on my Services page, where you can easily and quickly select the service that’s right for you, choose your preferred appointment time, book it, and pay—all in one easy, breezy step. I look forward to connecting with you soon!

Tarot Card Spotlight: Thoth Tarot’s 9 of Wands

Thoth Title: Strength

Planet/Sign: Moon in Sagittarius

Planetary Ruler: Jupiter

Date Range: December 3 – 12

Qabalistic Correspondence: Yesod of Atziluth

Key Words: flexibility, defense, adaptability as strength, standing up for oneself

The 9 of Wands is Moon (planet of mystery, cycles, and all things psychic) in Sagittarius (sign of higher thought, philosophy, travel, spontaneity) in the Moon’s sephira of Yesod. To be released from the electronic confusion trap of the 8 of Wands, we must cultivate a strength and flexibility of will, as is found in this card. Like the Moon Herself, the 9 of Wands is ever-changing, and Sagittarius lends its fiery nature to the cause, making this the card of being able to bend when necessary, and to be fully aware of when it’s not. It’s this knowledge of how to bend and not break that leads to the full expression of one’s will, the culmination of the suit of Wands at the height of its essence.

The Moon’s influence on this card is particularly important. With its monthly cycle mimicking menstruation and pregnancy, the Moon is typically considered to be feminine in nature, and thus, often viewed from the perspective of fragility, receptivity, and weakness.

But anyone who has ever watched a woman’s body swell, flex, and split to facilitate the entry of another person into the world knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that there is nothing delicate about the mother principle, which not only accomplishes this feat, but survives it again and again. Likewise, this card reminds us how critically important flexibility is to strength—not to withstand abuse, but to duck it, turn it on itself, and channel that force into reflective and defensive strategies.

When this card appears in a reading, it’s time to stand up for yourself or others who have no defender. Flexibility is your best offense and defense, and your energetic might is at an all-time high. If ill-dignified, 9 of Wands can also call you to consider how your rigidity may be digging you deeper into the hole you find yourself in—whether it’s by insisting on doing things your way or over-relying on your peace-making skills.

Tarot Card Spotlight: Thoth Tarot’s 8 of Wands

 

Thoth Title: Swiftness

Planet/Sign: Mercury in Sagittarius

Planetary Ruler: Jupiter

Date Range: November 23 – December 2

Qabalistic Correspondences: Hod of Atziluth

Key Words: rapid change or development, unexpected communications, electronic information

The 8 of Wands is entitled “Swiftness,” and it is ruled by the energy of Mercury (planet of communications, commerce, systems, speed) in Sagittarius (sign of higher thought, philosophy, travel, spontaneity), while residing in Mercury’s home sephira of Hod. Mercury’s airy, fast moving, intellectual nature is only made more insubstantial by Sagittarius’s mutable fire. Sagittarius is the sign of the philosopher, student, and teacher, ruling over higher education, publishing, systems of law, and other higher intelligence functions. This card therefore represents fast moving developments of the digital information age, where change is constant, though not necessarily permanent. 8 of Wands is a glittering, electrical current—a tool that we can use, or be used by.

When the 8 of Wands appears in a reading, the winds of change are blowing, and the querent will likely receive new information regarding the situation at hand. Electronic communications bring unexpected news, situations change swiftly with little warning, and new developments may or may not be enduring. Flow with the information for now, try not to make any permanent changes just yet—reserve your judgment and action until circumstances become more solidified.

The Lusty Mage Reviews… F*ck Like a Goddess: Heal Yourself. Reclaim Your Voice. Stand in Your Power. by Alexandra Roxo

Right after I shared my last blog post, a dear friend sent me an email with the link to Alexandra Roxo’s newest offering. Book nerd and incorrigible book collector that I am, I promptly ordered and devoured it in less than twenty-four hours.

After gorging myself on the juiciness of the first pass-through, I’ve immediately started right back in on working through all the exercises in earnest…

 

 

So, let me start with this: if you are interested in practicing sex magick, reigniting your sex life, or effectuating rapid personal transformation, but don’t know where to start, F*ck Like a Goddess: Heal Yourself. Reclaim Your Voice. Stand in Your Power. is the guide to sexual and personal alchemy that will become fundamental to your work.*

This is real, deep-shadow work, packaged in an empowering, compassionate, and easy to follow format. The exercises are easily executed, and although they appear deceptively simple, they pack a wallop! Before I could even complete the first one, I’d already had some pretty astounding realizations about my own path to transformation, and shed a few tears of deep truth, too.

Roxo meets us where we are on the path to reclaiming our sexuality, wherever that may be. The book is well-researched, nonjudgmental, and reflects a wide range of magickal experience. With a personal story that is deeply resonant to me and I’m guessing many other women too, Roxo invites us into the sacred temple of sacred sexuality, wraps her arms around us, and whispers, welcome home, sister. In short, it’s a book I’ll happily admit that I wish I had written, but I’m so grateful that she did so I, too, can be a recipient of its incredible gift.

Not only is Roxo brilliantly connected to today’s current of sexual reclamation and divine feminine celebration, but I was also thrilled to discover that she, too, had an intuitive learning relationship with the incomparable Bobby Drinnon! I couldn’t help but feel an immediate kinship with her. And although I haven’t traveled the globe or made illuminating films the way she has, I found her to be relatable and funny, and the feelings that underlie her narrative are universal.

In closing, two enthusiastic wands up! You can expect to see FLaG on my recommended reading lists and referenced in my sex witch courses to come!

 

 

*Full Disclosure: this blog post contains affiliate links, meaning that if you purchase the product through my link, I will receive a small commission on the linked item.